Meltdown (or I miss my Mom)

Earlier this week I had a meltdown.

It’s been about 6 weeks since I left Orlando. Last year when I flew everywhere I didn’t go for more than about 6 weeks without a pit stop in Orlando to swap clothes and get cuddles. So it kinda makes sense that it’s at this point that I start to really miss things.

I really missed my family. Which makes sense and I can wrap my head around that because they’re real, I can touch them, they exist.

I also had a fiercely miss my home. This one is more confusing to process because that doesn’t exist, I don’t have my own space in the traditional sense. I haven’t for over a year. I am missing a place that does not exist. As I sit with this it starts to become clear that I miss an idea, rather than a place.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had these urges.

There have been several occasions where I considered a return to ‘normalcy’ a return to a standard stable lifestyle. Shoot, I sort of had that the first half of the year when I stuck around Orlando to support family.

Here’s the thing, I know that if I were to honor these feelings, hop in the car and drive back to Orlando to settle into a ‘normal’ life…it wouldn’t take but a couple of months before I was antsy, craving the travel life again.

These thoughts, these feelings- they are just that. They are coming from my Monkey Mind, from fear and as a result of living in and being with the very edge of my comfort zone. They were created by my Mind.

I don’t allow my Mind alone to dictate how I live my life. Nope. My Soul is driving that bus.

This is just one more scary moment to get through.

And it’s okay for me to be in the moment, to be scared, to miss my Mom, my Girl, my Guy, my brother, my bed (which is on end in a storage unit) and my coffee table (which is amazing). It’s even okay for me to decide to turn around and drive back to all of those things. If that is what my Soul truly wants.

As I spent the day in my meltdown and eventually processed what was happening and moved through it, I realized that I haven’t been sticking to all of my daily rituals. In the last 3 weeks I slept in 5 different beds and I didn’t sage or ground in any of them. I also haven’t been honoring my commitment to exercise daily and, if I’m honest, I have been resisting the level of meditation my Soul is calling me to. These are all rituals and commitments I’ve put in place because they support me in declaring each new place as my home, in that moment.

No wonder I haven’t felt at home! No wonder I’m feeling home sick for the idea of home, I haven’t been creating it!

Before writing this I spent some time saging the home I’m staying in. I spent time with my grounding point. I invested the afternoon in a long stretch, a good work out and a long bath meditation. I do feel better, more grounded. But I’m still uneasy, there’s still a huge part of my Mind (and Ego?) that are annoyed about how things have been going. I still miss my Mom. And that’s okay.

My Body is much more content now that I gave it some attention.

My Soul is happy, aligned and in the middle of massive expansion.

My Mind is very, very happy My Guy will be here soon for a visit and that I’ll be flying home to the VonMutii in about two weeks.

All is well in Sunni’s World.

Context, Revelations & Retrogrades in Chicago

I spent nearly three weeks in Chicago.

I no stranger to the Windy City. I spent a total of about a year there in my Corporate Consulting days. However it was always in the middle of winter (yay!) and in the distant suburbs. This trip I spent a week smack downtown and the rest of my time with a family of 6 in a suburb right off the Blue Line.

I learned a lot.

First of all I increased my understanding of how critical context can be. Even though I spent months at a time in the Chicago area when I was consulting, I never embraced it as my home, I never explored it with that lens, that filter. Now, every time I land in a city I declare it home. That simple shift in context had a huge impact on my relationship to the city.

I got in some quality time with My Guy and had some pretty transformative conversations about our relationship going back to childhood. It’s fascinating dating someone I have 20+ years of history with and this week we dealt with some things from our childhood that have been impacting our adult romance. Phew!

I started an internal conversation about luxury, prioritization and self that is still marinating. Look for more on that via upcoming videos.

Even though I was slightly intimidated the first few days, after a few weeks I’m totally at home and realize that I could easily live in Chicago for an extended amount of time. I reconnected, connected in person and found new friends everywhere.

I was ‘lucky’ enough to experience a Mercury Retrograde while in town and experienced all sorts of technology and communication issues. I also found myself getting bogged down in details which had me tired, overwhelmed, cranky and I got a lot done 🙂 As happens. I’m starting a new thing, Lessons Through the #AdventuresofSunni – look for the first one on Astrology and then another on Mercury Retrogrades on my YouTube Channel!


Spirituality in Chicago

I always look to do a Soul Expanding activity on Sundays. I also look for Spiritual Centers to do this in, when possible, as they often serve as a great way to connect to a city and new people.

I really enjoyed Bodhi in Chicago and went more than once yielding a handful of new friends. The current theme is Shine Brightly and I found lots of nuggets in Lola’s teaching.

I found myself grateful to have Bodhi to spend 9/11 with, the video says it all.