Meltdown (or I miss my Mom)

Earlier this week I had a meltdown.

It’s been about 6 weeks since I left Orlando. Last year when I flew everywhere I didn’t go for more than about 6 weeks without a pit stop in Orlando to swap clothes and get cuddles. So it kinda makes sense that it’s at this point that I start to really miss things.

I really missed my family. Which makes sense and I can wrap my head around that because they’re real, I can touch them, they exist.

I also had a fiercely miss my home. This one is more confusing to process because that doesn’t exist, I don’t have my own space in the traditional sense. I haven’t for over a year. I am missing a place that does not exist. As I sit with this it starts to become clear that I miss an idea, rather than a place.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had these urges.

There have been several occasions where I considered a return to ‘normalcy’ a return to a standard stable lifestyle. Shoot, I sort of had that the first half of the year when I stuck around Orlando to support family.

Here’s the thing, I know that if I were to honor these feelings, hop in the car and drive back to Orlando to settle into a ‘normal’ life…it wouldn’t take but a couple of months before I was antsy, craving the travel life again.

These thoughts, these feelings- they are just that. They are coming from my Monkey Mind, from fear and as a result of living in and being with the very edge of my comfort zone. They were created by my Mind.

I don’t allow my Mind alone to dictate how I live my life. Nope. My Soul is driving that bus.

This is just one more scary moment to get through.

And it’s okay for me to be in the moment, to be scared, to miss my Mom, my Girl, my Guy, my brother, my bed (which is on end in a storage unit) and my coffee table (which is amazing). It’s even okay for me to decide to turn around and drive back to all of those things. If that is what my Soul truly wants.

As I spent the day in my meltdown and eventually processed what was happening and moved through it, I realized that I haven’t been sticking to all of my daily rituals. In the last 3 weeks I slept in 5 different beds and I didn’t sage or ground in any of them. I also haven’t been honoring my commitment to exercise daily and, if I’m honest, I have been resisting the level of meditation my Soul is calling me to. These are all rituals and commitments I’ve put in place because they support me in declaring each new place as my home, in that moment.

No wonder I haven’t felt at home! No wonder I’m feeling home sick for the idea of home, I haven’t been creating it!

Before writing this I spent some time saging the home I’m staying in. I spent time with my grounding point. I invested the afternoon in a long stretch, a good work out and a long bath meditation. I do feel better, more grounded. But I’m still uneasy, there’s still a huge part of my Mind (and Ego?) that are annoyed about how things have been going. I still miss my Mom. And that’s okay.

My Body is much more content now that I gave it some attention.

My Soul is happy, aligned and in the middle of massive expansion.

My Mind is very, very happy My Guy will be here soon for a visit and that I’ll be flying home to the VonMutii in about two weeks.

All is well in Sunni’s World.

Life can get heavy

You know I’ve put a lot of thought an effort into settling into the Condo. It was a fun part of my adventures that I’m proud of.

What I didn’t account for is weight.
Checked bags have a weight limit of 50 lbs. Apparently my carry on has historically weighed about 35-40 lbs and I didn’t realize it was that heavy.

When I filled all the extra space on the Condo with items the new items to support my healthy life on the road. Items like glass bottles of essential oils, two months worth of daily herbal supplements, a bottle of coconut oil for daily oil pulling, stones and gems for spiritual practice… You get the idea. Everything fit easy-peasy. No problem! How deceiving.

When I checked in for my first flight with the Condo and stood fingers crossed with Diego, the friendly JetBlue employee, we both held our breath as I hefted it on the scale and…

61 pounds. Crap. Life can get heavy!

The overage fee? $100. My ticket including the checked bag was $85. Crap.

No way. Diego says.

You can reorganize and make this work. I know I don’t know you, but I can tell, you’re a make it work kinda lady. If you can get 8lbs into your back pack or other bags we can get this through.
For the first time in life I was one of ‘those people’ unpacking my life (literally) in the airport. With Diego’s words in head I did it, I made it bag ladywork. I look like a crazy bag lady, but I made it work. My Condo came in at 49.5 lbs and I’m carrying 11.5 extra pounds in three miscellaneous bags.

Diego’s good will stayed with me as security allowed me to carry 12 vials of essential oil through TSA and the gate agents allowed me to carry on my three bags, they even laughed with me about the debacle.

I have to point out, it would’ve been easy for the experience to be annoying and make me crabby. Diego’s partnership and encouragement made it a rewarding challenge. He got to set that context for me, in doing so it was excellent customer service and sent me off in a good mood. We’ve all seen the butterfly effect of how a good deed can impact others.

Lessons
  • Always pack an expandable bag
  • Always be friendly, you can never have too many allies
  • Notice and honor when someone sees greatness in you

Settling into the ‘Condo’

I have used a full sized checked suitcase exactly two times in my life.

The first I shared it with my partner on our very first trip to Europe. The second is when I went to Spain for a wedding. After years of backpacking internationally and non-revving around the country I always carry on my luggage. In 2015 I spent most of the year on the road, being gone for two months going all over the world, I lived out of a carry on suit case. I called it my ‘apartment on wheels’.

Going into my fully nomadic life in 2016 I know that my body requires a particular kind of attention when I’m traveling, this requires supplies. Knowing I need to take more with me to stay healthy while I travel I upgraded the ‘Apartment’ to a full sized ‘Condo on wheels’ that must be checked. This is a big upgrade and concession for a minimalist, tiny house living, stand by flying, experienced traveler. My pride wanted to stick to the smaller, but I know my body needs the bulkier items that require me to check.

Since I decided to go gypsy versus settling into a traditional home I gave myself a ‘settling in’ budget for the ‘Condo’. I had much fun using this on Amazon. I purchased things to help my Condo stay organized and to help me retain the comforts of home regardless of where I am.

After my months focused on my body and health I’m really committed to doing what’s needed to help my body, the vessel that holds all that is me, keep up with what life has in store.

This includes things like starting each day with an elixir, wheatgrass shot, yoga and meditation. I know my skin is sensitive to many detergents, linens can irritate me. I need to eat clean and healthy. I need to take supplements daily.

Here is what I purchased over the last few weeks to settle in:

  • travel cubes
  • travel towels
  • pill organizers
  • zipper pouches
  • toiletries organizer
  • travel toothbrush
  • lady supplies (diva cup, livia & thinx undies)
  • little black (travel friendly) dress
  • toms shoes
  • weather proofing spray
  • shaker ball
  • small oil diffuser
  • small leaf sage
  • earplugs
  • travel sized essential oils
  • 6 port USB converter (for charging)

I’ll talk more about these things as I use them and determine how useful they actually are in my gypsy lifestyle.

I’m not loving the restriction and lack of freedom that comes from being unable to carry my belongings with me, just trusting that this step is part of my process.