Manifesting my Desire

For about a year I’ve been quietly searching for a small company to work with applying my business skills. Not consult, not freelance, but be hired.

I’m involved in some hella cool projects.

Like RevolutionK.org and AThousandThingsToTalkAbout.com to name a few. I’ve been leading group online programs, mentoring people in designing their life and connecting cool people through ChoiceDriven.Life  I’m documenting my nomadic life and my newest adventure toward fostering teens. I’m having a blast, I feel like I’m on Purpose and being used up in all the right ways!  I want to play with these things and enjoy them, I don’t want to have my financial needs influence what or who I charge inside of this sort of play. I also don’t want to invest any more time hustling for my next freelance gig, I’d rather invest that time playing.

So, I’ve been searching for the perfect job.

I had very specific criteria like it will be part-time, remote, and my employer will be focused on a mission I can align with. It will not take over my life, I will still have time for all my hella cool projects. It will use the full range of my business skills without draining me energetically.

I started off researching companies I was attracted to, whose missions I admired, and sending my resume to only those companies. It was fun, finding passionate companies and explaining how I could help them have an impact by simply being me.

After about 8 months, having had no interviews, no bites, being told a bachelors is required, that they wanted a ‘fresh perspective’ or that I was ‘overqualified’ I got frustrated and forgot about my dream job and my criteria.I also redid my resume to look ‘younger’ and started searching job boards, applying to most any job that was remote and part time. None of this felt fun, or authentic. It was driven by fear (what if my lack of degree is finally catching up with me) and scarcity (what if there aren’t enough jobs).

I strive to operate from creation and design (antiSurvival mode), not fear and scarcity (Survival mode).

So I took a break from the hunt and re-aligned with my Intention for 2017 which was to Discern my Desires. I went back to my commitment and Purpose, narrowing my search to only those that satisfied my Desires. I created a resume I was proud of and only applied for organizations that I could confirm fit my criteria.

Then, earlier this month, I discovered that I needed the stability of a job to begin down the path to foster and that really ignited my fire.

I’m sure you guessed it – it all paid off!

A week after the foster info session I found an opening with a yoga institute out of California. Today was my first day as their Business Manager. It’s remote, part-time and the entire team is super committed to their mission which I totally align with. Even their sales philosophy mirrors my own which is contrary to industry standards. I’ll be using a wide breadth of my business background with full flexibility in schedule. It’s exactly what I was asking for!

I’m beyond stoked to play with this new team AND have the freedom to keep playing with all of my hella cool projects including having the bandwidth to foster when the time comes.

This sort of patience and commitment to my own desires – this is not typical of me. It really is a reflection of the growth and evolution I’ve experienced and a manifestation of my Intention for 2017. So I’m taking my own advice and CELEBRATING this win!

One scary moment

I was at a networking event in Sarasota last week, sharing with someone about my nomadic lifestyle, and their response was ‘that is really courageous‘. I said ‘thanks‘, because I wasn’t sure what else to say. My life doesn’t usually occur as ‘courageous’ to me so my first inclination is to blow off this sort of comment. But when someone points it out, especially a stranger, I’m reminded that it really is, courageous.

I love my life. I very intentionally created it to be what it is. And, the way I live is very far outside of the social norms and many people don’t understand it and it often makes people uncomfortable. There are plenty of times where it would be far easier to live a more ‘normal’ life. In fact, every time I choose to go deeper into this nomadic life, I become masterful at psyching myself out, obsessing and worrying about it in advance, but then, once it’s actually happening I’m totally chill.

I was reminded of reminded of this video of Will Smith speaking to a group of students, he says “The point of maximum danger is the point of minimum fear”. This is so true! The time I’m obsessively worrying and stressing, nothing is actually happening that puts me in any danger or risk, I’m just planning, thinking about something (usually a trip or lifestyle change). Then, when the thing is actually happening, when there is some potential risk of all those things I was worrying about coming true, in the moment I’m not worried or stressed anymore.

How awesome would it be if I could discover the secret to skipping the step where I experience worry and fear?

In the movie The Bridge of Spies (great movie by the way) Tom Hanks plays a lawyer representing an accused spy, throughout the movie the lawyer is continually asking the spy if he’s worried and every time the spy responds with ‘would it help?‘. To which the lawyer always ponders and responds ‘no, I suppose it wouldn’t‘.

While I haven’t reached the point of enlightenment where I can just not worry, I can adopt the lesson from this book I recently listened to (amusing read by the way):

“I was a shy little girl and an only child, so on vacations, I was usually playing alone, too afraid to go up to the happy groups of kids and introduce myself. Finally, on one vacation, my mom asked me which I’d rather have: a vacation with no friends, or one scary moment. So I gathered up all of my courage, and swam over to the kids, and there was one scary moment . . . and then I had friends for the first time on vacation. After that, one scary moment became something I was always willing to have in exchange for the possible payoff. I became a girl who knew how to take a deep breath, suck it up, and walk into any room by herself.”

So, I guess I do live a pretty courageous life. I take the actions in the face of that fear, worry, anxiety etc. because I know that most people regret the things the didn’t do, but rarely the things they did do.

I use the hashtag #adventuresofSunni to remind myself, daily, that my life is one big adventure and there’s nowhere to ‘get’ only the adventure happening right now.

You have your own adventure. The thing you secretly dream about, worry about and perhaps haven’t yet taken action to make come true. It could be creating a digital nomad lifestyle, applying for a promotion, buying a farm, putting your jewelry hobby on Etsy. Whatever the thing is. I encourage you to focus on the adventure that is yours, dance with life, play with the universe.

Ask yourself  ‘would it help?’ and remind yourself that it’s just ‘one scary moment’, and then….jump!

Words are Magical

Have you ever considered just how subjective language is?

They’re simply sounds we make. As a society we have all agreed that specific sounds represent specific things.

It’s magic really.

For example, take the word couch


couch   kouCH/   noun
1. a long upholstered piece of furniture for several people to sit on.


It could also be called a sofa, if it’s smaller it may be called a love seat and the larger variety are sometimes called sectionals. Which one is correct? Which one applies when?

It gets even more complicated when you look at the full definition for ‘couch’ as it can also be a verb:


couch   kouCH/   verb
1. express (something) in language of a specified style.
2. lie down.


And this is a simple example!

It gets much more complex when you look at the definition of a word that represents something unseen like love or hate.

There are over 470,000 entries in the latest addition of Webster’s Dictionary.

So many options available to us, and yet, we collectively seem to gravitate toward the same subset over and over. So much of the available vocabulary goes unused in everyday conversation. This points to something…with so many words available and underutilized it would also seem that we often settle for using a word that doesn’t fully embody our intention. We fail to take the time to find the exact, specific word to represent our thoughts, feelings or intentions. I’ve discovered a significant value in taking the time to utilize the precise appropriate word, in some situations.

My first exposure to the importance of words came from Mom. I was homeschooled and Mom often made up games to help us learn, keep in mind this was in the 80’s before the internet was at our fingertips. One of my favorite games was called Synonym Gin, she wrote synonyms on playing cards and we had to collect four to get Gin and win. I remember being enthralled by how there could be so many ways to say the same thing. It was around this time that we read Julie of the Wolves, I learned that in the Eskimo’s language of Inuit there are nearly 300 words to describe what we have only 1 word for – snow. This fascinated me.

The actual game from my childhood. Mom keeps everything.

Later in my early twenties, I was exposed to the fictional society described in The Giver by Lois Lowry. The society often requests precision of language from its members. They go so far as to eradicate broad words to describe emotion. Upon reading this I found myself going back to the synonym groupings of my childhood and looking them up in a dictionary, wanting to understand the nuances, to be precise with my language.

More recently I participated in a self-development course that is fond of word studies, not only looking up a word but also exploring the etymology, the history of the word. In the course a single definition is reached, agreed upon and used for the rest of the course to ensure a common understanding. This idea of ‘redefinition’ feels juicy to me, like I’m developing a personal relationship to a word. Doing this sort of study creates a profound awareness of how often things are only true because we agree they’re true.

Word study is something I often incorporate into my own process for understanding new concepts. It’s also become integral to my process for intentionally designing my world. I did a word study on habit versus ritual when wanting to be sure I was relating to my grounding process appropriately – it’s a ritual, not a habit – and relating to it that way empowers me. I did a word study when writing my Partner a love letter, I wanted to be sure I used specific, intentional words to describe my thoughts about how our relationship developed over the previous year. I started with impressed, after research I found amazed and confounded to be most accurate.

I encourage my clients to play with what thrills them, I don’t believe in most one-size-fits all solutions, I’ll share what I do to give you a starting point just know that there’s no right way to do this, play with what works for you.

Sometimes I use an actual book, but usually I use the internet. I begin by looking a word up in a thesaurus, I’ll check to see if any of the synonyms seem to better fit my need, looking all of the contenders up in the dictionary. Sometimes I’ll look up key words from the definition as well.

Once I land on what seems to be an accurate word to use I will google it and its etymology. Sometimes when I understand the history of a word it no longer fits. For example, the word habit originally referred to garments and shifted to refer to a behavior pattern when they became heavily associated with the garments worn by clergy which wore the same garment daily for life. Now that I have a more intimate relationship with the word habit I recognize that most things I used to relate to as habits are actually practices.

Sometimes I pull different definitions together and create my own, pulling from that ‘redefinition’ idea. Sometimes I learn that there simply is not one word to exactly describe my thought, feeling, etc which is empowering in its own way.

There’s something about this process, the research, that gives me time and space to really consider something and be deliberate about how I relate to a thing, an intention, emotion etc. This practice has me really check in with myself, what exactly is it that I want to communicate? I often do this even if I’m only communicating to the various parts of myself, for an internal dialog.

I believe words are incredibly powerful. They carry weight. The history and meaning of a word impact how it is received. Using the exact correct word not only allows you to be intentional and become more aware of your thoughts and intentions, it conveys to others that you care enough to do so.

This practice of word study shows up often in my life and my work. I already gave you the example of writing a love letter to my Partner and examining my daily routine. It also served me when writing about the Victim vs Victor conversation, over use of the word feel and my examination of the concept of Ego. Each new year I craft my annual intention, my declaration to the universe of what I want for myself in my life over the coming year and word study plays a critical part in this process as well.

Where could intentional use of language be applied in your world?

Note:
As with all things, moderation is needed. There are many times where it is far more valuable for me to ‘talk it out’ than to go off and do a word study. Take care to use a practice like this as a way to deepen your relationship and self awareness – not to hide out or delay action.

Lunch with a Male Escort

I love people. I love connecting with new people and learning about their lives, their views, what makes them tick. Even if it’s completely different than my own life and views.
There’s something to be learned and discovered in the differences, the gaps and the space between where they are and me.
When I share bits of myself with another, and then I have the privilege of hearing their perspective on it, how it resonates with them, how they relate, and sometimes even what they think I’m capable of (which is often different and/or bigger than I see for myself). There is something magical about seeing myself through someone else’s lens. It can actually provide a whole new portal for me to see not only myself but also the world. And I love providing this new lens for others.
There is something particularly juicy and enlightening about discovering a connection with someone who has a wildly different background, lifestyle or world view. It’s a fantastic reminder that ultimately, we e all human, there are others who are up to big things, and if we openly look we can find commonalities.
Adam & SunniToday I had lunch with Adam. We connected through #TabooTalk,  I’d never met him in person before. All I know is that he works in the sex industry and seems to operate with a bigger purpose. There was no agenda for our meeting, no desired outcome, no real obvious connection besides a mutual fascination and willingness to explore. It could easily seem, to a ‘normal’ person like a waste of time. In fact, even a year ago I likely wouldn’t have prioritized meeting with him.
It was SO productive!
I learned that Adam is making a massive difference in the world by working with gay men to help them heal and step into their sexuality. This leaves his clients happier, more fulfilled and with new emotional bandwidth to be up to big things. So while, yes, technically he is a sex worker, he is also someone who helps men to heal, connect with themselves and ultimately helps to make way for more awesome.
The world needs more of this!
We spent about two hours together. The conversations wove its way through our business goals, our spiritual journeys and our concerns for the global human outlook. We both shared openly and listened fully.
As we parted ways Adam told me that I’d given him a lot to think about, he shared that I’d inspired him and also validated some things for him. We made plans to connect again in the future.
As I reflect back on it, I got so much from this interaction. Through hearing his perspective on my own world I saw new avenues and actions I could take. I learned new ways to describe my commitments. There are aspects of how I’m living my life right now that I’ve learned to explain and justify since most people don’t ‘get it’ – Adam immediately got it and was quickly able to point to other elements that had everything make sense on a deeper level. I learned a lot from sharing and then listening, like really, openly listening, to Adam.
We seek out people who are like us, it’s normal, it feels good and safe. The unfortunate outcome is that there are all these little segregations around the US. It becomes second nature to notice a difference rather than curiously seeking out commonalities. I encourage you to look for the commonalities after you notice a difference – it will undoubtedly lead to something juicy.